Troubled Mind (journal January 19)

Journal,

I'm going to leave.

I'm going to leave right now.

My bag is packed, I'll leave a note for Gil & Lo and I'll leave.

There's enough food to last them some time...

And I'll just have to hope that Lo can take care of herself, Mr. Underby surely has lost interest in her by now.

I'm going to finish packing my bag, and I'm going to walk out of this house.

My own house! They had me cornered in my own house! It was like being surrounded by wolves. All the lies coming down like a house of cards...How dare they...I'm human...I'm human...

I am going to walk down the street, carefully because the cobbles are slippery, and I'm going to wait for the train.

Pip, I wish I could take Pip with me. He told me of his friend, I think he likes me because I remind him of her. She died, like Rebecca, like James...oh James...

I'll stand on the platform and wait for the train, I won't even set my bag down.

How could he! Traitor..that little rotten traitor...I'll bake a dirty, filthy pair of boots into a pie and serve them to him with a bright smile, watching him chew on leather.

I'll wait for the train, bag in hand, and it'll arrive, puffing steam and the conductor will get off and see me on the empty platform and he'll take my ticket and show me to my car.

Where can I go? Steelhead? All that green...it'll be impossible to control her there.

He'll take my ticket, and show me to my car and I'll sit and watch New Babbage chug-away out the window. And I'll wave and feel light and happy.

I'll wave and feel light and happy and see Underby and Tenk and Moonwall and Pizzaro and Pip and Grendel and everyone else dissapear into the mist and I won't care one whit.

I'm going to leave right now.

Right.

Now.

Who'll take care of him if I leave now?

I can leave anytime...a few more days...then I'll leave.

~S.MacB.